


Resisting Yasmin Khan

by spoilersweetie



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-30 13:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17829326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilersweetie/pseuds/spoilersweetie
Summary: The Doctor had resigned herself to longing from afar, appreciating Yaz for the incredible human being she was but that was it. No getting involved.But then she’d made a stupid, grievous mistake. She’d let Yaz see how much she wanted her and now Yaz... Oh Yasmin Khan that beautiful tempting human was doing everything in her power to seduce her.





	1. Chapter 1

Getting involved with her travelling companions romantically was something the Doctor had made a personal rule against. Becoming too attached to a human who’s lifespan was so much painfully shorter than her own was never a smart idea, and adding the danger that followed her around the universe and the risks that came with travelling with her meant it could only inevitably end in pain for both sides. She’d made the grievous error a few lifetimes ago when she’d fallen for one Rose Tyler, and after the way that ended she’d vowed never to make the same mistake again.

She became aware of there being something more than friendship growing between her and Yasmin Khan for the first time one night on earth, when she’d taken them all far enough back to see a totally different sky of stars above their heads. They lay in the soft grass, her three friends contentedly quiet as she pointed out names and constellations and told their stories. She hadn’t even noticed Yaz’s hand slipping into her own as she’d chattered away, not until she trailed off and realised she was stroking her thumb over Yaz’s soft skin, and the young woman was shuffling closer to her on the grass and shifting to look at her. She turned her head, her eyes catching Yasmin’s own, a million stars reflected in them as she gazed at the Doctor like she was more incredible than every civilisation she’d just been telling them about, and suddenly it was difficult to breathe.

She thinks she would have kissed her that night, if Ryan hadn’t suddenly sat up and started coughing loudly, apparently having been eating the biscuits the Doctor had brought along while laying on his back. It was a good thing too, she realises later, because kissing Yaz under the stars would have opened up a doorway to a whole world of possibilities she absolutely could not give in to. So the Doctor had resigned herself to longing from afar, appreciating Yaz for the incredible human being she was but that was it. No getting involved.  

But then she’d made a stupid, grievous mistake. She’d let Yaz see how much she wanted her and now Yaz... Oh Yasmin Khan that beautiful tempting human was doing everything in her power to seduce her.

It had been stupid really, they’d only been messing around, Yaz wrestling her for the remote control when they couldn’t agree on a channel in her little cinema room one night. She’d tried tickling her with her free hand and Yaz had shrieked then suddenly grabbed both her wrists and rolled her over onto her back, pinning her hands above her head and using her weight to trap her to the floor

“Gotchya,” she’d grinned down at the Doctor, plucking the remote control from her loose grasp. In the tussle, Yaz had ended up cradled between her thighs and it wasn’t the Doctor’s _fault_ , such as they were how could she _not_ envision another scenario where she might be pinned in such a position with Yaz on top of her, and she was still new to how all these things felt in this body, it was so different this time around, and when Yaz shifted on top of her to change the channel she… well, she moaned. A little bit.

It was actually quite a pathetic sound that escaped her lips and to this day she still blushes to think of it, more of a strangled whimper, and combined with the way her breath caught in her throat, dark eyes widening the second the sound had left her lips, it hadn’t really left much mystery as to what she’d been feeling.

She’d managed to throw Yaz off her awkwardly, leaping up and muttering something about the Tardis, high-tailing it out of there before anything could happen.

And judging by the way Yaz had stared down at her, lips parted and eyes dark and bright with interest, something definitely could have.

Every since then the girl had done her very best to utterly torture her.

Sometimes it wasn’t so obvious, just little brushes of her hand against her own, her standing much closer to her than necessary or making sure she touched her hips gently as she squeezed past her in the kitchen (the kitchen really wasn’t _that_ small). And then there were the times when it was _definitely_ obvious, like when she’d corner her in the Tardis hallway and pin her to the wall under the pretense of brushing some toothpaste off the corner of her mouth with her thumb. Or when she'd wander into the Doctor's room in the morning (she knew she should never have let her find out where it was) in just her jeans and a _very_ lacy, slightly see-through bra and quiz her as to where they were going that way 'so she knew what to wear'. She’d pressed her to the console the other morning when the boys had been distracted, leaning in so close the Doctor was almost up on her tiptoes against it, and inhaling deeply by her neck.

“Did you use new shampoo? You smell _amazing.”_

“Uh - I - I don’t think so…”

“Maybe it’s just you.”

Yaz smelled pretty good too. _Really_ good, she’d noticed when she was was suddenly pressed against her like that, the closeness of her body assaulting all of her senses at once.

Since then, in fact, all she could think about every time she got close enough was how good she smelled.

The Doctor had tried the direct approach. Planned on setting her cards on the table and telling Yaz directly why it could never happen between them. But that damn girl had batted her eyelashes and gazed back at her with her face an open picture of innocence as she’d pretended to have no clue what she was talking about. The Doctor had got so flustered she’d had to give up and make a hasty retreat into the depths of the Tardis.

She’d also considered just letting her have her way with her. Just… bang it out, as she’d heard it referred to on one of those Netflix shows Yaz and Ryan loved to watch once. Get it all out of her system and carry on. But she knew there was no way she’d be able to do that. Not to Yaz. If she just wanted the Doctor in her bed that would be a different matter, but she knew Yaz wanted her more deeply than that, she had made absolutely no secret of the fact that she thought the world of the Doctor, telling her multiple times that she was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that she’d never met another person as incredible as her… powerful phrases to say to someone who was already half gone on her.

She couldn’t lose Yaz like she lost the others. She wasn’t sure she’d survive another heartbreak.

Well, it was fine, she would just have to be immune to her charms. She could do that. She was thousands of years old for crying out loud, a girl from earth who’d barely hit her second decade couldn’t possibly hold any power over her like that. Granted a very beautiful, kind… tempting girl who looked at her like she’d hung the moon and said things like “I’m with you always,” whenever situations got dire - but besides the point! She could resist her. It was just unfortunate that this stupid body seemed to have a particularly high sex drive compared to the last couple, and a weakness for dark haired human women whose eyes glittered with a thousand promises.

\--

The Doctor tries to remember how resolved she is to resist Yasmin Khan later that week when she finds herself pressed tightly against her in a space just big enough for the two of them.  

She only has herself to blame - they had been running, their pursuers of the day vicious monkey-like cyborgs with wheels (scarier than they sounded, especially with the machine guns) and the Doctor had yanked Yaz quickly into a small gap down the side of the hallway. They shuffled through and found themselves in a space just large enough for the both of them.

“What if they -”

Breathless and adrenaline filled, the Doctor presses her hand to Yaz’s mouth as she hears the creatures flying past.

She listens hard, trying to gauge which way they were going and if any more were in pursuit, it was only when Yaz makes a small sound beneath her palm she realises she is still covering her mouth.

“Sorry,” she whispers quickly, removing her hand.

“S’okay,” Yaz pants, then gives her a cheeky flirtatious grin. “I kinda liked it.”

She huffs out a laugh and cranes her neck to try and listen for any sounds, trying hard to concentrate on _that_ and not Yasmin’s body pressed all against her own. The only thing she could hear was the sound of both their breathing, still fast from their run.

“...I kind of like this too,” Yaz whispers then, and the Doctor turns to look at her in the dark. She was so close she could see every eyelash as Yaz gazed up at her. She swallows.

“Hiding from half robot monkeys with big guns?”

She feels Yaz’s hands tentative on her hips and inhales quickly, pressing her back tight against the wall to try and regain some space between them. It doesn’t help. Arousal pools between her legs fast.

“I was referring more to the result of the situation than the situation itself,”

“O-oh,” she’d stammers out. “You mean…”

“Yeah,” Yaz whispers. She eyes the Doctor’s lips, licking her own and fingers tightening on her hips as she presses her back against the wall, moving, if possible, closer, her thigh slipping between the Doctor’s legs.

The noise that escapes the Doctor’s lips is entirely involuntary, and she flushes red after it, so glad it’s dark enough that Yaz probably couldn’t notice.

“Yaz…” she breathes, hearts pounding.

Yaz presses her thigh against her harder, drawing another gasp from her. “Yes Doctor?”

They are interrupted by a shriek form one of the monkey things outside, right near their hiding place.

“Run!” She yells before grabbing Yaz’s hand and dragging her out of the alcove and away.

\--

The Doctor was still impressed with herself for not caving in the alcove the day before (granted, the robot monkeys had had rather perfect timing) when she strolls into the console room after dinner, shoving the last biscuit into her mouth and spinning round the console. She can hear soft voices, and glances over to see Yaz and Ryan sitting in a corner, backs to her and legs stretched out as they chatter quietly. She smiles, deciding not to disturb them as she sets about unscrewing a lever that’s been bothering her on the control panel. She can’t help but tune into what they’re saying when she hears Ryan asking Yaz something in a curious voice.

“I dunno, I don’t think so,” Yaz replies.

“Are you sure? Cause when I went to pick you up this morning she had this like… weird smile on her face when she said you’d be ready in a minute.”

“I’ve told her we’re just mates,” Yaz sighs. “Sorry - mum’s a bit… intent on the whole me dating someone thing. She knows I’m more into girls anyway. Think she just wishes I wasn’t.”

“Ah that’s tough man. I’m sorry,” Ryan says with honesty and the Doctor glances round to see her shrug.

“Could be worse. At least she accepts it.”

“Yeah,” says Ryan and a small silence falls between them before he speaks again, sounding curious. “So… when did you, you know. Figure that out?”

“Oh I dunno. Think I always knew really.”

Unscrewed, the level drops to the console with a clang and the Doctor winces, picking it up quietly and hoping she hasn’t interrupted their conversation, not daring to turn round and make it seem like she’s being nosy.

“I mean I have been with guys too,” Yaz continues, apparently not at all disturbed by the noise. “Tried that, and it was alright and everything, and if I ever fell for a guy that would be fine, but I dunno, I just prefer girls generally. I don’t really fancy guys that often.” She pauses. “And women can go for longer.”

Ryan coughs and the Doctor fumbles with the lever, almost dropping it again.

“Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?” He says.

“Yep.” She can hear the grin in her voice.

“I - resent that.” He sounds awkward but indignant and the Doctor thinks she would have laughed at the look on his face if she wasn’t so busy feeling extremely uncomfortable about where this conversation she was privy to was heading. “That is not true!”

“Yeah, it is cause blokes can only go the once then you need a break, and usually fall asleep...” she can hear her roll her eyes. “Whereas I can make a girl come five times in a row.”

The lever and her sonic clatter to the floor out of the Doctors hands.

“Oh sorry Doctor, I didn’t know you were there.”

_Yeah right._

The Doctor reaches down to pick them up, certain her cheeks are flaming.

“Don’t mind me,” she mutters, “just... fixing this sticky lever.”

“Oh - Doctor you can settle this!” Yaz says, delighted. “Since you’ve been both and all... who can keep going for longer in bed, men or women?”

“Um,” the flush spreads down her neck. “I wouldn’t know,” she mutters quickly.

“What? But you used to be a man didn’t you? Now you’re a woman...”

“Yeah but I’ve only been a women since I met you guys. Haven’t... you know,” she mumbles awkwardly.

Yaz’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree and she realises very quickly that had been the _wrong_ thing to admit.

 _“Really?_ ”

“No.” _Oh dear_.

“What not even... by yourself?”

She blinks, and stammers. “Erm -“

“Yaz,” Ryan mutters, elbowing her and sounding as awkward as the Doctor feels. “Leave her alone.”

Saved by Ryan. “I’m just gonna - bye,” she says quickly before Yaz can quiz her any further, and spins on her heel and scampers off towards the depths of the tardis.

“You’ve embarrassed her!” She can hear Ryan chastising Yaz as she goes.

“I were just curious,” Yaz replies “can’t believe she hasn’t even tried it on her own - reckon that’d be the first thing I did if I had an unexpected sex change...”

\--

She does try it that night, unable to ignore the ache between her legs any longer, wriggling her knickers off under the covers and finding herself as slick as she’d ever found a woman when she slides curious fingers between her folds. She is hot and silky and slippery and she can’t help but groan aloud as her small fingers find her clit and circle it gently, hips jumping at the jolt of pleasure. She does _try_ to keep her mind blank and focus on the feelings of pleasure alone but it is a lost cause, Yaz’s dark eyes appearing before her mind and she wonders how her beautiful face would look pressed between her legs, how it would feel to have her fingers buried deep inside her and what she would look like if she could make her come undone.

The Doctor comes hard with her own fingers buried inside herself, palm against her clit and a vision of Yaz with her mouth open and head tossed back against her pillows as she gives a strangled cry that may have sounded like her name.

 _Fuck_ , she thinks, withdrawing wet fingers from herself. On the plus side she now knew what an orgasm felt like from the other end, but on the down side she’d likely made this whole Yaz situation a million times worse for herself.

\--

“Good morning,” Yaz greets her in the little Tardis kitchen some hours later. “Sleep well?”

 _Bloody hell does she know!?_ The Doctor internal panics, wondering if she’s imagining the smirk in her voice.

“Uh - yeah - well I didn’t sleep, you know me, had a nap last Tuesday should be good for another few days.”

She chances a glance at her.

_Nope, not imagining it._

“Ah,” Yaz replies, reaching over in front of the Doctor for the sugar tin. Her arm brushes her front, body pressing to her side and she inhales sharply. “A good _not_ sleep then?”

“Um,” she squeaks, face flushing. _How can she know!?_ “Yep,” she says quickly as Yaz mercifully steps away. “Just did some re-wiring, played a game of solitaire, read a book. Nothing exciting.”

“Oh right,” Says Yaz casually as she spoon sugar into her mug and reaches for the kettle. “Hope it was a good book.”

The Doctors hands pause in buttering her toast. “Umm... yep. It was alright.”

“Only alright?”

“Well. Yeah it was good.”

“Ah, a books gotta be amazing for me. Or at least have a brilliant ending. You know the kind that makes you wanna read it over and over again. There’s nothing like a _really_ satisfying ending. You alright? You’ve gone all flushed?”

“What? Yeah - no - yeah, I’m fine! Just warm. Cookers on - makes it warm.”

“I thought you didn’t -”

“See you later!” She blurts out, scarpering with her plate of toast.

\--

Of course it wasn’t the last she heard of it.

She’d taken them to a coastal part of a planet where the sea was so hot it bubbled, a lovely contrast to the cool air, and Yaz settles by her side on the sand as the twin suns start to set on the horizon, the boys off getting chips from the little shop up on the peer. Whichever planet she went to, there never seemed to be a chip shop too far from a beach.

“Can we swim in it?”

“No,” The Doctor says firmly. “Absolutely not. You’d be boiled alive in seconds.”

“Seriously!?”

“Yep.”

“Well that’s disappointing. Here I thought you’d brought me to the universe's largest hot tub.”

The Doctor chuckles at Yaz’s joke. “Wouldn’t that be something.”

“It would if you were in it with me.”

She swallows her next words, blinks rapidly at that image, and the pause gives Yaz time to shuffle closer to her on the sand.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” she says, surprised at the hesitation in her tone.

“Have you really not… done anything since you’ve been a woman?”

“Done anything?” She repeats, confused for approximately two seconds before she glances at Yaz and clocks the dark, intense look in her eyes and the slight upward turn to the corners of her mouth. _Oh_.

“Oh, you’re talking about…”

“Sex, yeah.”

“Um.” She tugs a the neck of her tshirt.

“Okay new question - does it work the same for you?”

“What?” She squeaks out.

“Because I know you’re not human… but you look human.” Yaz rakes her gaze pointedly over her. “Am I -” Yaz cuts herself off and licks her lips, looking nervous for the first time. “Am I way off base here?” She chuckles.

“What?” She pretends not to know what she means, and Yaz huffs.

“Is this where you tell me that we’re _a lot_ more different than I realised and that you don’t even know what I’m talking about?” She says the words like they’re lighthearted but there's an edge to her voice that the Doctor catches, and she sees anxiety flicker in her eyes when she glances at her.

She sighs, closing her eyes. “We’re not so different from you, Yaz. I know how to make love, if that’s what you’re referring to,” she answers quietly.

“Oh,” Yaz visibly relaxes next to her. “But you haven’t yet - as a woman, right?”

Avoiding her eyes in favour of staring at the steam rising from the ocean, she quickly shakes her head.

There’s a short pause. “Do you want to?”

Her stomach flipping, the Doctor turns to look at her. “Yaz -”

“Oi, there you are! We got chips!”

“Sorry it took so long guys,” says Graham as he and Ryan plop themselves down on the sand either side of Yaz and the Doctor, handing them a paper bag each.

“Yeah Graham forgot what end of the beach we left you on.”

“Why was it my job to remember!?”

“Because I paid for the chips!”

The four of them fall into good natured banter as they tuck in, but Yaz doesn’t speak directly to her again that night.

\--

It is a week, maybe a bit more later (time was really irrelevant on the Tardis, she tended just to measure by how many sleeps her human companions had) when things finally stop feeling tense and strange between her and Yaz. She doesn’t know which one of them was causing the tension, or if it was the both of them, but she’s glad when an adventure ends in the four of them tumbling into the Tardis in peels of laughter like they used to, finally feeling like she can relax around her again.

She waits by the console for them the next morning (well, after their next sleep) pondering where to take her fam today and rubbing absently at her back as she frowns at the monitor, mumbling to herself.

“Morning,” Yaz appears behind her, cradling a steaming mug and yawning.

“Mornin Yaz!” She greets her brightly.

“What’s wrong with your back?” Yaz says, setting her mug down on the console. The strong smell of coffee wafts up and she wrinkles her nose.

“Oh, must’ve just twinged it yesterday, that leopard was heavier than it looked.”

“Maybe you should have left it up that tree. I’m still surprised it didn’t claw your eyes out.”

“She was stuck! And she asked me to help her down. Although on reflection a ladder or maybe a rope might have been a better idea than - Ah! Oh - okay,” she stammers and trails off as Yazs fingers press gently into her lower back, kneading in steady circles. The Doctors fingers curl around the edge of the console and she feels herself melt under the young woman’s touch.

“Here?” Yaz asks softly, her voice warm in the Doctors ear that tells her how close she’s standing behind her. She suppresses a shiver.

“Y-yeah.”

Yazs hands leave her briefly to slip round and then beneath her long coat, warm fingers tugging her shirts from her trousers and moving to touch the skin beneath them. The Doctor gasps then, the touch like electric on her skin.

“Sorry,” Says Yaz, easing the pressure off. “That sore?”

“Uhh.. Yep, mhm,” she mumbles.

Heavens, the girl’s hands were magic, and as much as her touch sends heat flooding through her, she does start to feel the ache in her back ease as Yaz kneads at it gently. She thinks about what else those wonderful hands might be good at, and bites her lip as she leans back into the touch, feeling the familiar burn of arousal between her thighs she’d become accustomed to noticing when Yaz was near to her become a flaming inferno.

“Is this helping?” Yaz whispers, so close the Doctor can feel her hot breath on the side of her neck.

“Oh yeah,” she breathes, eyelids fluttering, and Yazs fingers feel smug as she increases the pressure on her back.

The Doctor is just acknowledging the fact that she’s literally becoming putty under this girl’s hands and that if she made a move on her now she’d be absolutely powerless to do anything but submit, when -

“We interrupting something?”

Graham’s voice makes the Doctor gasp in surprise and whirl round, Yaz’s hands falling from beneath her coat.

“What, no? Huh? Morning Graham. Ryan,” she stammers, shoving the back of her shirt back into her trousers. “Are we off then?” She says quickly, flipping down a lever and firing the engines up.

Her eyes catch Yaz’s as she sets the TARDIS into flight and Yaz just smiles.

_Damn her._

They end up spending most of the day trudging through a swamp, the glue-like mud making every step an effort, not helped by the mouse-size mosquitos that stalked them. By the time they make it back to the tardis they are all exhausted, covered in stinking mud and freckled with angry red bites.

“Might not have been one of the best trips then,” the Doctor admits as she throws the Tardis into the vortex, wincing as she presses a hand to her back. The whole ploughing through mud really hadn’t helped her sore muscles. She gives them a guilty look. “Sorry.”

Graham waves her off, mumbling about a bath and her other two companions agree, disappearing off. She sniffs, wrinkling her nose and thinks that probably isn’t a bad idea.

\--

She’s just stepping out of a steaming shower a while later, wrapping a towel around herself when she is startled by a knock on her door.

“Yeah?” She calls out, moving out into her bedroom.

The door eases open and Yaz stands the other side, barefoot, wet hair down around her shoulders and clad in - well, the Doctor supposes the baggy t-shirt and loose shorts qualify as pyjamas. “Just came to see if you were alright?”

“Me?” The Doctor says, surprised, tucking the towel tightly round her. “I’m fine me, always fine,” she flashes a grin at her, trying not to stare at her bare legs. “You alright?”

Yaz nods, stepping inside the room and shutting the door softly behind her. Her eyes roam over the Doctor’s wet bare form, covered just with a towel and she pretends not to notice. “Just worried about your back.” Yaz says, eyes meeting hers again. “It’s been bothering you hasn’t it?”

“Oh,” she says, surprised that she’d noticed. She smiles at her, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “Yeah, a bit. It’ll be fine.”

“I can help?” Yaz offers, moving closer. “Properly this time. I’m amazing at back rubs. And I did a bit of physical therapy at college.”

She settles on the bed next to her and moves her hands to the Doctor’s lower back. She finds herself relaxing as Yaz rubs there gently.

“You are _really_ good at that,” she finds herself admitting after a moment, leaning back into the touch as she feels the aching muscles ease.

“Be easier if you lay down. Here,” Yaz nudges at her shoulders.

Before she can clock that is probably a bad idea, Yaz has her settled on her stomach, her fingers sweeping her wet hair to the side of her neck, and then down to clasp the towel in her hands.

The Doctor tenses as she feels her tugging it from her.

“Yaz -”

“I need to get to your back. You want me to make it feel better, don’t you?”

She nods before she can stop herself, and then she’s lifting up so Yaz can pull the pull it loose and push it down around her hips. The bed moves and she feels her settle over her, straddling her thighs and -

Okay, this was where she realises that this had been a terrible idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might finish this, might delete it, feeling pretty frustrated with all these half-finished stories I have written in my drafts atm, just seem to start hating a thing halfway through! So hoping some feedback might help either way, please do be honest thanks :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really overwhelmed by all the love for the first chapter, I could honestly kiss the lot of you!! I don't really understand why you guys loved it so much but I've been feeling a bit rubbish about my writing lately so you've given me a huge confidence boost, and inspired me so much this one just flowed :) Actually inspired me a bit too much because it went on for longer than was planned and is now gonna be 3 parts instead of 2 haha sorry

“Ohhh my god,” the Doctor is groaning in thirty seconds flat, “Your hands are amazing.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Yaz replies, hot promise in her words that makes the Doctor bite her lip and squeeze her thighs together. 

She kneads at the knot in her lower back and the Doctor can feel all of the tension easing out of her - right up until Yaz leans down, so close her chest brushes her bare back and her breath is hot on her neck. 

“Is that good?” She murmurs softly leaning into the caresses of her hands, putting her weight behind them and the Doctor bites back a whimper. 

“Yeah…” She breathes as Yaz’s hands move higher, kneading at the middle of her back now. She’s rocking gently with the movements she makes, and the Doctor can feel her moving on top of her, feel her pressed against the backs of her thighs, her hands gentle and firm on her skin, smoothing up to press into her shoulders then down, her touch all over her almost too much to bear. She feels her sit up on her legs as she massages at her lower back again, and she can’t help the groan that leaves her throat, which suddenly turns to a sharp inhalation of breath when she feels Yaz’s fingers edge underneath the towel and skate down dangerously low. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know.” Yaz says softly, hands smoothing quickly back up, leaving the Doctor to wonder if her mind had exaggerated her touch.  

“Am - am I?” She stammers. 

“Is it because you’re new, that your skin’s so perfect?”

“Is it?” It seems she has lost the capacity to answer in anything more intelligible than two-word questions. 

“Yeah.” Yaz leaves it at that, pressing her palms into the small of her back and squeezing a soft sound from her. The Doctor turns her head and presses her face into the pillow to muffle her sounds, letting herself absolutely melt under Yasmin’s hands. 

The more relaxed the muscles in her back become, however, the more tightly wound the arousal she is feeling coils in the pit of her belly and burns between her legs. She presses her hips into the bed, trying not to pant, and is suddenly extremely thankful that she’s not a man any more. At least she’s able to hide the fact that she’s so turned on right now she feels like she may combust - although she realises a few seconds later when Yaz leans down to speak, maybe she’s not doing as well at that as she’d thought. 

“Do you like that?” Yaz breathes, voice low and soft and every syllable dripping with the fact that she already knew  _ very well _ that yes, the Doctor did like this, and  _ oh god _ , how can she  _ not _ imagine her saying those words just like that in another situation? And had her voice always sounded like liquid honey?

She turns her face from the pillow, gasping for air. “Yep thanks Yaz!” She says quickly, attempting to push herself up. “Much better now!”

“Hang on,” Yaz chuckles, gently but firmly pressing on her shoulders to keep her pinned down. “I’m not done yet.”

“But it feels all better! So you can just - you know - go...” She tries to get up again.    
“Just relax,” she pushes her back down, kneading her fingertips into her shoulders by her neck. The Doctor lets out an involuntary sigh. “ _ There _ you go. Let me make you feel good.”

Oh she has  _ no doubt _ Yaz would be able to make her feel good. She almost blurts out those very words, but manages to keep control of her tongue, biting down on her lip instead. 

She can feel herself positively throbbing between her legs, so wet she’s fairly certain she’s going to require another shower when this is over, and she lays still, fully aware that this was dangerous territory but really unable to find the internal strength to tell Yaz to leave again. 

“I wanna make you feel good,” Yaz is saying softly to her again, hands working her back carefully. “You’ve done so much for me, you’ve made my life so incredible, and I’d do anything for you Doctor…”

“Anything?” She echoes dumbly, in a trance beneath her hands, heat coiling and building more and more between her legs, Yaz’s hands smoothing round and up over her sides, her fingertips brushing the sides of her breasts lightly enough to make her gasp and squirm beneath her, legs pressing tightly together. 

“Yes,” Yaz says, and her hands stop moving, resting on her ribcage. The bed creaks.“I’d give you anything…”

Her voice is so close to her ear the Doctor feels a shock of desire shoot through her and all of a sudden she becomes alarmingly aware of just how tightly she’s wound, how her skin burns beneath Yasmin’s hands and how she can scarcely catch her breath, one more touch feeling like it would be enough to tip her over the edge and at that sudden terrifying realisation she is jolted out of the trance-like state she’d fallen into. 

“Tea time!” She blurts out the first thing she can think of in a panic. 

There’s a pause. “What?”

She scrambles underneath Yaz, grabbing at the towel and clutching it firmly to her chest as she sits up, dislodging Yaz from her legs who sits back on the bed looking confused as the Doctor practically falls out of it, towel clamped around herself like a vice. 

“Tea! It’s time for tea, aren’t you hungry? I’m hungry, trudging through a swamp will do that to you - go tell the boys,” She says as she grabs her arm and tugs her from the bed and towards the door. “I’ll get dressed and we can go to Domino world. Do you feel like pizza? I feel like pizza. Or we can order in if you fancy staying in your pjs. I bet Ryan will wanna stay in, and Graham’s probably already asleep on the sofa. Chop, chop, last one to the console room’s paying!” Yaz seems too stunned to react as she finds herself nudged through the door, and the Doctor does feel guilty at the look of dismay on her face as she closes the door in it, but consoles herself with the fact that it was  _ much _ better than the consequences of what would have happened if she’d stayed. 

She lets out a deep sigh, slumping against the door. 

“Good,” she mutters to herself, nodding as she pushes away and moves across the room. “That was good, well done.” She tells herself she’s glad she managed to disperse the situation in time. She bites her lip and winces. 

She just definitely needs another shower now. Preferably a very cold one.

The shower head is a poor substitute for Yasmin’s hands but it does the job; she climaxes hard and fast with her head thrown back and free hand braced on the tiles, a wordless cry on her lips with the feel of Yaz’s touch still on her skin. 

The Doctor can’t look Yaz in the eyes for days. She feels awkward and embarrassed about what nearly happened and can only  _ pray _ Yaz hadn’t realised the extent of the effects of her touch on her - she certainly doesn’t seem to share any of the Doctor’s embarrassment. She nearly chokes when Yaz strolls into the kitchen the next morning and asks her in front of Graham and Ryan if her back was better or if she wanted another massage.  

“Noitsfinethanks!” She squeaks out. 

“You sure?” Yaz says as she sets about making herself a coffee. “‘Cause I don’t mind. Quite enjoyed it actually.”   
The microwave the Doctor is trying to fix (alright, improve) pops, sparks flying out of it and she winces. “Sorry - didn’t  mean to touch that bit,” she apologises to them, wafting at the smoke. “Uhh… yep, I’m sure. Much better.” She focuses intently on the wires strewn out over the kitchen counter. 

“You can give me a back rub Yaz,” Ryan quips cheekily, and the Doctor just catches her shoving his head as she walks past. 

“Nah you’re alright. You haven’t earned back rub privileges yet,” she sticks her tongue out at him as she settles at the table with her steaming mug. 

“Oh what and the Doctor has?”   
“The Doctor’s earnt anything she wants,” Yaz replies, her eyes on the Doctor’s as she sips from her mug and she quickly looks away, pointing her sonic at the microwave. 

“ _ Doctor!” _ They all chorus when the whole thing goes bang. 

\--

Its six days after the back rub incident, which is what the Doctor is referring to it as in her head, and she can finally look at her friend without blushing again. Well - under normal circumstances that is, but these particular circumstances right now are resulting in cheeks that burn so persistently she’s certain they must be scarlet. She rubs at the back of her neck and feels a layer of sweat coat her fingers. She’s actually fairly certain she’s dangerously close to overheating but knows she can’t remove her coat for fear of it being too obvious. 

“What about this one?”

“It’s nice,” she replies awkwardly from her perch on a stool in the corner of Tardis’s massive wardrobe. 

“Hmm…” Yaz turns in the giant mirror, scrutinising herself from every angle. “I’m not sure about the skirt. It’s a bit… floaty.”

“I like it,” says the Doctor, desperate for her to decide on one so she can get out of there.

Yaz looks at herself for another moment before she shakes her head. “Nah. Not the one.” In one smooth movement she shrugs the straps from her shoulders and lets the whole thing pool at her feet, and the Doctor clears her throat and quickly snaps her eyes to the ceiling. 

In hindsight, she should have known it was a bad idea agreeing to help Yaz pick out a dress for the dinner party they’d been invited to on the Titanic VI, which was the fanciest star-cruiser of it’s time - until it met an ending much like it’s original namesake. But luckily, this invitation was dated for three years before that incident, and had an ominous scribble on the bottom from an anonymous source that begged for help. 

Apparently, helping Yaz decide on an outfit needed to involve watching her get in and out of six so far - she was counting - and by this point in time she’s not certain how many more she can take. She tries to turn round each time Yaz shakes her head at her reflection and shrugs the dress she’s currently wearing off, but she is  _ fast _ .   Seriously, how quickly was it possible for someone to undress!? She certainly takes much longer putting each one on. 

“Can you zip me up?”

Next time, next time Yaz asks for help choosing a dress she’ll be prepared. And she’ll say no. 

Her hands are sweating so much her fingers slip on the zip three times before she manages to tug it up, thankfully hiding a great deal of that smooth brown skin under red fabric. 

“Okay I think I like this one. Do you think it shows too much cleavage?”

Mercifully, the dress after the red one turns out to be to her liking, a long shimmering silver number that the Doctor had to admit did look incredible against her dark skin,  although Yaz still wasn’t completely satisfied.

“Are you sure?” She’d asks her for the third time.

“Yes, you look lovely,” the Doctor replies, like she had for the last eight outfits (honestly, she did think Yaz looked incredible in all of them).

“I’m not sure about the back.”

“Looks fine to me.”

“My bra’s showing.”

She had noticed that.

“So are my knickers, it’s so  _ slinky. _ ”

She’d noticed that too funnily enough. She tries not to stare as Yaz turns round, eyeing herself in the mirror.

“I like the dress,” she insists, not knowing what else to say.

“Okay,” Yaz decides. “This one then. Can’t go like this though.”

And then she shimmies the long skirt up her legs, hands moving underneath and wriggling until -

The Doctor lets out a squeak, whirling round on the stool to face the wall, hand flying up to cover her eyes as she hears the soft thud of Yaz’s underwear dropping to the floor.

“Yaz! What are you doing!?”

“I can’t wear them, they’re too obvious underneath. There that’s better. You can turn around Doctor.” She eyes her with a smirk when the Doctor tentatively turns back to face her.

“All ready,” she beams at the Doctor in the mirror.

“...You’re going like that!?”

“Yep.”

“...With... no underwear?”  _ Please no. _

“Well I think anything will show. It’s fine it’s a long skirt. Might see if I can find a strapless bra, otherwise I’ll just go without that too, it’s pretty padded at the front.” 

_ Please no! _

Yaz smooths the dress down over her curves. It was  _ very _ slinky, clinging to every curve and pulling tight across her thighs and - the Doctor swallows hard, looking away. 

“I just need to stick some makeup on. I won’t be long.”

It is a clear dismissal the Doctor is extremely glad of, leaping to her feet and hurriedly making towards the door. “Okay see you up there,” she says quickly. 

“Oh, Doctor,” Yaz’s voice halts her as she hurries past. “Could you stick these in the laundry room for me on your way?”

Yaz presses a piece of fabric into her hands.

“Oh yeah I...” She trails off, words failing her suddenly.

Her knickers.

Yasmin Khan had handed her  _ her knickers _ .

She stares at the scrap of lacy material in her hands, noting that it was still  _ warm _ , with something akin to panic, accompanied by something else that definitely  _ wasn’t _ panic, and she snaps wide eyes to Yaz’s own, her mouth hanging open. Yaz is smiling innocently at her but the way her eyes glitter with mischief tells the Doctor that she knows  _ exactly _ what she is doing to her. 

“Not going that way sorry bye!” She squeaks out, before shoving the piece of lacy underwear back at Yaz and bolting for the door.

\--

Why did she think this was a good idea? What about this situation could have  _ possibly _ been a good idea?

“Hello, I’m the Doctor! We have an invitation,” she’d beamed at the doors, flashing her psychic paper. 

“How lovely you could grace us with your presence your highness!” The woman on the door had guished.  _ Your highness? _ Well, she wasn’t going to complain about that one. “And this might be?”   
“Oh - this is Yaz. Yasmin Khan,” the Doctor had tugged her forward with a grin. Of course the woman hadn’t asked about her other two companions - this era on this particular part of the galaxy was dominated entirely by females, in fact men were banned in most public places unless they were slaves or servants. She wouldn’t normally take her companions to such a place but - plea for help and all, and she didn’t make a habit of ignoring those.

“How lovely to meet you,” the blue-skinned woman greeted Yaz, and looked to the Doctor. “Your wife I presume?”

“Oh - yes my wife, and these are our servants, of course!” She’d beamed, pointing to Ryan and Graham and thinking herself very clever. 

_ Stupid. _

The Doctor is blaming the temporary mush that her brain has clearly turned into on the prelude to arriving here. She could still distinctly remember how warm Yaz’s lace knickers had felt in her hand. 

Her skin feels hot under the sleeve of her coat where Yaz’s hand rests on her arm now as she tries to make small talk with the other passengers whilst simultaneously trying extremely hard  _ not  _ to think about the fact that the woman pressed to her side had no underwear on beneath that beautiful slinky dress. Because it seemed like she hadn’t any luck searching for a strapless bra - she’d tried not to notice, but how could she  _ not,  _ especially after Yaz had specifically mentioned it. 

She knew what she was doing alright, and what made it all even more frustrating was that the Doctor  _ knew _ she was playing straight into her hands - but she just couldn’t help herself. 

Probably not introducing Yaz as her partner and therefore dooming herself to a night of pretending as such would have helped, a bit. 

Predictably, Yaz was absolutely loving it.

“Darling shall I get us a drink?” She asks, hand on the Doctor’s lower back.

“Uh - yes please... dear,” the Doctor replies. 

When she returns she presses the drink into her hands and a kiss to her cheek and the Doctor absolutely does not blush. Yaz fastens herself to her side again, looping her free arm through the Doctor’s and sipping from her glass with a serene smile on her dark painted lips.

She’s supposed to be scoping out their surroundings but her eyes seem to keep drifting back to Yaz. 

When they sit down to dinner Yaz pulls out her chair for her, letting her hand brush over her shoulder as she settles in, taking her own seat beside her. Nobody had ever pulled out a chair for her before. She mentions that, and Yaz chuckles, leaning over her to pour her a glass of wine from the bottle on the table in front of them.

“Well, they should have,” she says, eyeing her sideways with a smile as she moves to pouring her own. The Doctor swallows and reaches out for the glass, taking a large gulp of the wine. She doesn’t even drink wine.

The food is a welcome distraction, and the Doctor’s eyes light up when a wide variety of canipes are placed in the middle of the table. 

“What are they?” Yaz leans in to ask quietly, voice dubious as she points at the plate in front of them.

“Oh those are amazing!” The Doctor tells her, “like spring rolls but sweet! Don’t ask what’s in them though or you won’t try it.”

“Why what is it?” She says suspiciously but the Doctor just grins, plucking a couple off the plate. 

“Ah ah,” she shakes her head, popping one into her own mouth and holding the other out to Yaz. “Try it first.”

She does, but instead of taking it from her hand as she’d expected, Yaz takes hold of the Doctors wrist, leaning in as she brings her hand to her mouth and bites it straight from her fingers.

The Doctor finds her breath stuttering as Yaz’s dark eyes hold her own as she bites into the pastry, so close to the Doctor’s fingers she feels the soft brush of her lips against her fingertips. She gasps quietly, lips parting, staring as Yaz moves back and chews on the mouthful, tongue darting out to swipe at crumbs from her lips while her eyes don’t leave the Doctor’s…

“Testicles!” She blurts out. 

Yaz pauses. “What?” She says, mouth full. 

“That’s what’s in it,” the Doctor says, shoving another roll in her mouth. “Oxydil testicles. It’s an amphibious creature native to a planet near here. About the size of a hippo, with six legs and horns.”

“Oh my god!” Yaz mumbles, having spat her mouthful out into her napkin. She quickly takes a large gulp of wine. “Doctor!” You could have told me that before I ate it!”

She can hear Ryan sniggering behind them and shrugs. “You liked it before I said what it was, admit it. It’s a real delicacy in this part of the galaxy.” Unfazed, and pleased to have dispersed the situation, she sticks another in her mouth as Yaz makes an ‘ew’ sound beside her. 

Graham and Ryan slip off halfway through dinner as they’d planned, to scope out the lower decks of the ship and see if they could find out anything out of the ordinary. They weren’t best pleased at having to play their ‘servants’, but it had worked out in their favour for it meant they were freer to move about the ship than the guests were. The Doctor tries to listen in to the conversations going on around them at the table in order to gauge anything or person out of the ordinary, but it proves to be more difficult than expected with Yaz’s distracting presence beside her. It's bad enough already, but when she feels a warm hand settling on her thigh halfway through the main course she knows she’s going to be no use to anyone for the rest of this dinner. 

“Everything alright pumpkin?” Yaz asks with wide, innocent eyes in front of everyone else after the Doctor’s knee had banged the table, jolting all the drinks. 

“Oh yes, fine, sorry - leg cramp,” She smiles at the other guests and gets a few strange looks before everyone returns to their conversations. 

Yaz squeezes her thigh and the Doctor bites down on her lip, concentrating very hard on the vegetables on her plate. 

“Yaz,” she relents after five minutes. 

“Hmm?” Yaz replies round a mouthful of food. 

“Can you, um…”

She thinks admitting it was affecting her so much would be worse, and so smiles and shakes her head. “Pass the wine?”

“Thought you didn’t like wine,” Yaz says amused as she tops the Doctor’s glass up. 

“Don’t think I said that, did I? I love wine, me. Wine’s brilliant.”

She drinks another gulp and tries not to pull a face. 

“Me too, I don’t drink it often though,” says Yaz conversationally. Her hand inches a little higher. 

The Doctor downs the rest of her glass. 

\--

By the time they get back to the Tardis that night, the Doctor stumbles through the doors, clutching onto the walls and wondering when it was her ship had decided the central column should be spinning. 

She’d figured out who’d sent the cry for help and apprehended the undercover slave smuggler, saving the day and a cargo-load of men, which was quite impressive even if she did think so herself, considering she could no longer walk in a straight line by the time dinner was over. 

“Wassthis?” She says, peering at one of the strange shapes the walls are carved into along the side by the door. She’d never noticed how funny they looked. “What even is this s’posed to be?”

“You know,” she hears a voice - Yaz’s, she thinks, “You probably should have told me you’re not used to alcohol.” A hand plucks hers from the wall and then she’s been guided into the ship. 

“Alcohol doesn’t affect me,” she says very firmly. “I have two hearts-ses.”

“Mhm.”

“You got her Yaz?” She hears another soft voice - probably Grahams. 

“Yeah I got her. Night guys. Come on you,” she hears by her ear, and then she’s walking down the corridors with Yaz pressed to her side. 

“Wherewe going?”

“Bed.”

She misses a step and trips, but Yaz’s hands keep her up. “ _ Oh _ -”

“Not like that Doctor,” Yaz sighs by her ear. “For once I’m not coming on to you.”

“Aha! So you admit that you  _ have _ been coming on to me!” She says, finger pointed at her. 

“Only because you’re not gonna remember this in the morning,” Yaz smiles, turning her round and tugging her through a door. 

“This is my room,” she says with some surprise.

“Yep. Go on, into bed with you,” Yaz says, depositing her on the mattress and bending to untie and tug off her boots then help her out of her coat. She pulls back the duvet and rolls her under it. “I can’t believe you’re drunk,” she mutters.

“Me either,” the Doctor sighs.

“And you still saved the day,” Yaz smiles.

She grins. “D’you see that swing I did on the chandelier across the ballroom? That would have been impressive sober.”

“Yeah I saw,” Yaz chuckles. “It was impressive. You’re  _ always _ impressive.”

She turns her head and gazes at her as she tucks the duvet round her. “And you’re impressed,” she says smugly, the wine making her tongue loose.

“Always.”

“And… and you want me.”

Yaz’s hands still on the duvet. “I do, yeah,” she admits softly after a pause. She thinks her eyes find hers but it’s hard to tell with how much everything’s moving. “And you want me too, if I’m not mistaken,” she says very quietly. “But for some reason… you won’t give in.”

She blinks, trying to focus on the words. 

“You could have me right now,” she mumbles, gazing up at the three Yaz’s in front of her. “Can’t remember why that’s a bad idea. Seems like a  _ very good _ idea actually,” she clutches at Yaz’s dress, tugging her down to her. 

Yaz lands on top of her with a suprised ‘oomph!’ And finally, she  _ finally _ gets her hands on that expanse of her bare back that that damn dress left visible and tormenting her all night. Her skin is warm and soft, and her back arches when she pulls her tight against herself, shifting on top of her, legs tangling with her own as she pushes herself up on her hands either side of her head to stare down at her. 

“Doctor -”

She gets her hands inside the slinky silver fabric, down low round the front of her hips and then back round, grinning impishly when she’s reminded by her lack of underwear and the situation that surrounded it. Yaz gasps, warm and soft against her, and she can’t quite make out her face but she’s certain her eyes are darker than she’d ever see them. 

Why  _ was _ this ever a bad idea?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this second part didn't disappoint you, I will try my best to get the third and final one finished soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long I got really stuck with this one!

Yasmin’s skin is warm under her hands and pressed against her own; at some point they’d both lost their clothes and she isn’t certain when that was but it hardly matters now. Not with Yaz’s lips on her neck and her hands skating down her body, mapping out every inch of skin as she murmurs about how much she wants her.

“I want you too,” the Doctor manages, wriggling beneath her and spreading her legs, tilting her hips up towards Yaz wantonly. “Take me.”

She feels her fingers between her legs and then very quickly inside her, filling her so perfectly, feeling better than she’d ever imagined, and she can feel her body opening to her as she begins thrusting them in and out, curling and pressing and stretching until the Doctor is gasping her name beneath her.

“You’re so beautiful, you know,” Yaz says, and the Doctor thinks she’s heard those words before, but nothing seems clear at the moment, so she merely gasps and clutches tighter as Yaz presses deeper.

Her body is tightening, orgasm approaching fast and the Doctor squeezes her eyes shut, clutching desperately to Yaz as she feels herself begin to tighten around her fingers, feels the waves of pleasure building and building inside her and all she can think is _Yaz, Yaz -_

“Yaz!”

She wakes to her body shuddering violently, hands twisted in sheets and cunt clenching around nothing as she’s yanked back so close to the edge it leaves her head spinning and entire body shaking as she lays there panting and tries to pull her thoughts together.

Right. She was alone. No Yaz. Of course she was alone.

She thinks back to the last thing she remembers from the night before; the gentle press of Yaz’s lips against her forehead after she detangled herself from the Doctor and got up out of her bed. She just recalls Yaz’s soft voice bidding her sweet dreams followed by the click of her bedroom door closing then she supposes she must have fallen asleep.

Asleep and straight back into Yaz’s arms, apparently.

She bites her lip, pressing her thighs together uncomfortably and feeling embarrassment wash over her. Not just from the very vivid dream, but from the way she’d practically dragged Yaz into her bed last night. While alcohol did affect her species in a similar way to humans, their brains were better equipped to cope with it’s lingering effects; namely the poor recollection of what had happened whilst under its influence humans often experienced when the immediate effects had worn off. It was largely why she preferred to avoid it, at least in excess. Being tipsy wasn’t so fun when one remembered every stupid little thing they had said and done in detail the next day.

She was still pretty chuffed about swinging across the ballroom on that chandelier and landing perfectly on her feet on the other side, but less so about what had transpired between her and Yaz once the younger woman had got her back here.

If the Doctor had thought things would be different between them after what had been confessed on both sides however, she was very wrong.

She’s already aware of what a mess she looks when she stumbles into the console room, and she thinks the snort Ryan gives is really unnecessary.

“How’s the head?” Says Graham with amusement and she grumbles, pushing past him and Ryan and walking over to Yaz who’s tapping on her phone.

“Morning,” she says pointedly, stopping right in front of her, ignoring the way both her hearts pound in her chest.  She was gonna do it. Just... ask to talk to her in private, then get it all out there. Tell her straight why all the flirting and the touching and the driving her crazy could never go anywhere, and why it absolutely needed to stop.

Yaz shoves her phone into her back pocket and grins at her. “Morning yourself. Are those the clothes you slept in? You’ve got -” she reaches out, stepping closer to touch her fingertips to her cheek. “Pillow marks,” she giggles, and the Doctor bats her away with a frown.

“Alright! Well I’ve only just woken up, haven’t had time to get ready yet just needed to talk to you -”

She cuts off when Yaz leans in even closer, sniffing deeply by her hair.

“You smell like a pub.”

Ryan snorts again and she stammers, knocked off track.

“I -”

“Come on. You can’t go anywhere like that.”

She takes her hand and starts leading her towards the hallway.

“Hang on -”

“Shower.”

She blinks. “Shower?”

“You need one.”

Yaz has got her halfway there before she finds her senses and tugs her hand free, digging her heels in and coming to a halt.

“We need to talk. About…”

“About?” Yaz prompts when she trails off, unable to find the words.

She looks back at the Doctor with an unreadably blank face, and she falters, words catching in her throat. Yaz clearly didn’t realise how much of what was said last night the Doctor recalled - or was happy to just pretend it had never happened. If she addressed this plainly then things between them would undoubtedly change. Just as she’s internally panicking about how best to put this forward, Yaz sighs.

“Look, Doctor I just wanted to say actually - about last night...”

Her hearts speed up.

“I’m really sorry about the whole - topping your glass up all the time at dinner. I honestly didn’t _mean_ to… to get you drunk or anything. I didn’t realise you’d even be affected by alcohol honestly.”

“Oh,” she says, surprised, and knocked off track again. “Well that’s…” she shakes her head and her eyes soften when she sees Yaz looking back at her anxiously. “You don’t owe me an apology Yaz.”

She shrugs, looking down. “I’m sorry anyway.”

“Well I’m sorry too. And… thanks,” she finds herself saying, stepping closer to touch a hand to Yaz’s arm, even as her face flushes as she remembers vividly just how much of Yaz’s perfect, soft skin she’d managed to get her hands on before the younger woman had pulled away. “You know, for... taking care of me.”

Yaz smiles at her then. “‘Course I would. You were drunk. Like... _really_ drunk.”

“Alright!” She says, stepping away as Yaz giggles at her fluster.

“Come on,” Yaz grins, rolling her eyes as she takes the Doctor’s hand again. “I need a shower too anyway.”

She sighs, grumbling a bit as she lets Yaz tow her down the Tardis hallways. So she’d utterly failed at getting everything out in the open but it hadn’t really seemed like the right time after that heartfelt apology? And Yaz obviously wasn’t going to make it easy by letting on that she recalled what words had transpired between them.

Perhaps things would just settle down on their own between them. Yaz was only young, after all, and she was bound to lose interest in chasing after her before too long.

She had just resolved on this, when the meaning of Yaz’s words take hold, and both her hearts skip a beat in her chest.

Shower. Yaz needed one too.

_Oh._

\--

It had been three days since what the Doctor was referring to as the ‘the shower incident,’ which was really less of an incident and more of just the Doctor standing in a shower cubicle next to Yaz’s panicking as she listened to running water over the sound of Yaz humming softly and tried to ignore the burning between her legs. With her recent dream running through her mind over and over, it had been quite the task.

There were quite a lot of incidents now that she tried not to keep recalling and working herself up into a frenzy, not helped by the fact that Yaz had far from cooled off her advances.

Now that she had verbal confirmation that the Doctor did in fact, want her as much as she apparently wanted the Doctor, that proof seemed to have given her a terrifying new wind of confidence in pursuing her.

She flirted and touched and made suggestions that had the Doctor blushing scarlet, but frustratingly though, she never made a direct move on her. That itself might have been easier to field; if she tried to kiss her and the Doctor pushed her away she knew Yaz wouldn’t push it - she wasn’t the sort. And with a clear refusal between them she would probably be forced to take a step back.

But she didn’t do anything enough for the Doctor to directly refuse - just enough to drive her absolutely insane with desire. What, was she waiting for the Doctor to break and be the one to make the first move? Because it was feeling less and less unlikely that that was going to be the case. Whatever she was doing she was damned clever about it.

\--

Speaking of clever, no human woman really had a right to look _that_ hot whilst explaining to the idiot whose spaceship they’d wound up on why his so-called shields wouldn't protect them if they kept going at that speed through the field of asteroids they were heading for.

“The outside of the ship is gonna heat up every time one collides with us!” Yaz yells at him, apparently as exasperated as the Doctor feels. “And going at this speed it’s gonna be too much strain on the systems to cool it back down - we’ll burn alive!”

“Nothing will collide with the ship girl, the sheilds are up!” The gruff man snaps back, shoving her out of the way to jab at buttons on the control panel.

Yaz throws her hands up. “Colliding with the shields will create heat - that heat will transfer to the ship - speed, plus collision equals heat - how are you not getting this!?”

_God, that’s sexy._

The Doctor quickly snaps her eyes away from Yaz to try and focus on overriding the controls in the corner. She was doing a good job of distracting the pilot which had been the plan anyway, but the Doctor hadn’t been prepared for all of that knowledge to come pouring out. Since when did she know so much about spaceship velocity and force shields anyway? She must have been paying more attention than the Doctor realised to her ramblings. That or she was just _really_ clever. And since she doesn’t remember ever explaining all this to Yaz, she’s starting to think it’s the latter.

A loud beep signals that the Doctor had broken through the codes in the system and gained control, and she types in a quick command, slamming the ship’s brakes on hard and bringing them to a hover in space just before the asteroid field they’d almost hit.

When they all pick themselves up off the floor, Yaz gives her that beaming smile of hers whenever the Doctor saves the day, and she grins back, walking over to Yaz as the pilot hauls frantically at levers and slams down switches, finding them all unresponsive.

“Nice one Doc,” says Graham, sounding out of breath and relieved, and she pats his shoulder as she walks past.

“Team effort,” she grins, then nods to the pilot, now swearing at them as he kicks the ship’s control panel. “What shall we do with our friend then?”

“Dunno,” Yaz shrugs.

“Can’t let him at the controls again,” interjects Graham, “he’ll kill the whole ship before he gets them anywhere.”

The pilot picks up a metal bar and starts smashing the keypad the Doctor had used to hack into the systems and Yaz races over. “Ey! That’s enough!” She says, grabbing his arm and yanking it behind him, shoving him against the wall. She looks at the others. “It’s a pity I don’t have my handcuffs on me.”

The Doctor nearly swallows her tongue.

\--

It’s pretty well overdue by the time they all actually get round to having tea at Yaz’s. She’d invited them, looking a bit awkward about it, earlier that day saying her mum insisted she bring round those friends she kept going on about, since the only time she’d actually met them all they were being chased by giant mutated spiders.

Honestly, the Doctor was happy to have somewhere to go where Yaz would be unlikely to attempt to drive her absolutely insane every second. She wasn’t sure she could take another afternoon like yesterday. Yaz had wandered into the console room, clearing her throat until the Doctor had popped her head up from beneath the console where she’d been looking for the other end of the green wire.

“Oh hi Yaz, didn’t see you there. You couldn’t wiggle this wire for me could you? Can’t seem to work out which one it is…”

She did, the Doctor disappearing back beneath the console.

“Got it!” She exclaimed after a moment, coming back up with a grin. “Sorry did you need something?”

“Just wondering… there’s a swimming pool on board right? I’ve heard you mention it like, a million times.”

“Oh yeah,” she’d nodded keenly. “It’s brilliant! Haven’t you been? There’s a slide and everything.”

Yaz grinned. “Wanna come swim with me then? You can show me where it is.”

The Doctors face lit up and she pulled her goggles off, tossing them to the console. “Yes! Swimming with Yaz. Amazing!”

Amazing had turned out to not be the correct word to describe the two hours of positive torture that followed. What the doctor hadn’t thought about was the specific apparel that swimming entailed - or more specifically, the lack of.

She realised when she went to grab her stuff that the only swim wear she had was a few baggy swim trunks, so she’d shrugged and thrown on a pair from a generation or two ago that at least seemed to stay up, and a big tshirt over her sports bra.

Yaz, it seemed, did have swimming attire made specifically for her very feminine form, and the Doctor had nearly choked when she strode out into the swimming pool.

She was certain that hadn’t even been a bikini.

It was three triangles. Three tiny triangles did not add up to a swimming costume.

She was still trying to get that very vivid image out of her head when Yaz lets them all into her flat, calling out to her mum that she’s home.

“Yaz, there you are!” Najia says, appearing in the hallway and folding her arms. “You’re late.”

The Doctor quickly steps forward as Yaz opens her mouth to apologise.

“Hi Yaz’s mum - sorry - that might have been my fault.”

“Najia,” she corrects, looking less than amused. “Figures.”

“Won’t happen again,” she swears. “Graham brought wine!” She shoves him forward. She wasn’t sure why he’d insisted (she certainly wasn’t planning on touching any of it), but Najia’s face seems to soften at that, and she takes it, telling him he shouldn’t have done that before ushering them all in. Humans and their funny little social etiquettes.

The Doctor manages to field the litany of questions from Najia about who she was, where she was from and why she refused to tell them her ‘real name’ pretty well, and makes it to the dinner table - although once she’s there she very quickly starts to wish she hadn’t.

Watching somebody eat should not be this mesmerising.

Why was she watching her eat anyway? She could just turn away. She does.

_God, did she just lick her lips?_

Pasta wasn’t even a sexy food to eat. In fact spaghetti bolognese was probably the least sexy food to eat in front of someone. Yaz sucks up a piece of spaghetti, she watches it slip into her mouth with a little pop. The Doctor bites down hard on the inside of her cheek, squirming a bit in her chair.

“Not hungry Doctor?” Najias voice rouses her from her trance and she blinks at her.

“Huh?”

She points to her still full plate.

“Oh. Yeah, no I am. Just… a bit hot. The food I mean,” she adds quickly, eyes widening.

Yaz reaches out for her glass of water and takes a sip, eyes lingering on the Doctor’s as she does.

She shoves a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth.

“So Yaz’s mum, how’s the new job?” She speaks around the mouthful, desperate for a distraction.

“Najia,” she says. “And it’s good, thanks…”

\--

She’s on her way to bid Yaz goodnight later, Najia directing her to the kitchen where the girls are washing up, but pauses in the doorway when she hears her name.

Yaz and her sister have their backs to her as they stand at the sink, Yaz washing, Sonya drying.

“So... you and the Doctor ey?”

She sees Yaz throw Sonya a look.

“Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on. You were practically shagging each other with your eyes over the dinner table. It’s so obvious you’re doing the nasty with her.”

The Doctor scampers back behind the door frame, cheeks burning.

“Please do not use that expression Son it’s awful,” She peeks round to see Yaz flicking soapy water at her sister. “And no, we’re not.”

Sonya turns to look at her like she doesn’t believe her, and Yaz sighs, picking up another plate. “Not for lack of trying,” she says so quietly the Doctor almost doesn’t hear. Sonya snorts.

“What, don’t wanna give the older woman thing a try?”

“She’s not old!” Yaz immediately snaps defensively. _Oh Yaz, if only you knew_. “And ... it’s not her doing the trying.”

Sonya pauses in drying a plate. “What seriously? You mean you’ve been... and she hasn’t...?”

Yaz nods quickly. “Maybe she’s just not interested,” she says quietly, and the Doctor’s chest feels weird.

Sonya snorts. “Yaz. I seen the way she was looking at you all dinner. Everyone did. She’s interested, trust me.”

“Oh come on,” Yaz sighs, and the Doctor knows she’s rolling her eyes. “What do you know about girls?”

“Er - I am one? Look just because I don’t swing that way don’t mean I’m blind,” she teases, and the Doctor bites her lip. “I can tell when someone’s down, and she’s down, Yaz. So just tell her you wanna shag her, or buy her a cat or however it is you lot communicate and then you can finally get laid and stop being such a bitch.”

“Oi,” Yaz splashes her as the Doctor sucks in a sharp break and retreats back further behind the door frame. “I’m not gonna -” she drops her voice to a hiss - “just ‘tell her I wanna shag her’!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” She huffs, dumping another plate in the sink. “It’s not like that. Well it is, too, but...

Sonya stops drying a plate and turns her head to stare at Yaz as the Doctor’s hearts beat double time in her chest.

“Yasmin. Please tell me you have not fallen in love with a weird blonde woman who dresses like a child and lives in a phone booth.”

“She - what? A phone booth?”

“That blue box. I can see it from the window every time you disappear off with her. How does she move it? It’s _weird_. Anyway don’t change the subject.”

Yaz doesn’t deny it.

“She’s amazing, Sonya,” she says so quietly the Doctor has to lean forward to hear.

“She’s _weird_.”

“I like weird,” the Doctor can hear the smile in Yaz’s voice and finds herself smiling too.

“Coure you do,” Sonya sighs, and that seems to be as good a time as any to interject so she can get out of there sharpish.

“I’m off!” the Doctor announces loudly, stepping into the kitchen with a smile plastered on her face.

“Doctor!” Yaz says, as she spins round to face her eyes wide. “H-how long have you been there?”

"Oh just popped me head in to say goodnight!” She lies. “I’ll see you tomorrow Yaz? Graham and Ryan are meeting us about ten.”

“Oh... okay. See you then,” Yaz replies.

The Doctor leaves the flat trying to ignore how fast both her hearts are beating, and it takes three tries to get the key in the Tardis door her hands are shaking so hard.

She slumps over the console, head in her hands as she lets out a groan.

She had known, really, in a part of herself she’d been ignoring how deep Yaz’s feelings for her ran. It was just so much easier to pretend she just wanted her physically.

Resisting somebody who wanted her when she wanted them just as much was difficult enough, but resisting an amazing, beautiful girl she adored who was _in love_ with her… the very thought was intoxicating.

“Doctor?”

She jumps at the sound of a voice from behind her, standing straight and whirling to face the Tardis doors just in time to see Yaz closing them quietly behind her.

“Yaz!” She squeaks. “What are you doing here?”

“Hoped you were sticking around instead of disappearing off until the morning,” she says as she climbs the step and walks towards the Doctor. She swallows, clutching onto the console and fighting the urge to take a step back.

“Did… I forget something?” She says nervously as Yaz comes to a stop in front of her.

“No,” Yaz shakes her head. “Just… wanted to say goodnight properly. You sort of shot off pretty quick, I thought you’d stay for longer after tea. Was everything alright?”

“Oh - yeah! No, yeah, everything’s fine. Sorry. The whole,” she waves her arms around, trying to explain herself, “family dinner thing, not really me.”

Yaz tilts her head. “No?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Tend to avoid the whole family thing generally. Gets a bit complicated,” she mumbles and Yaz raises an eyebrow.

“Says the woman who calls her friends her ‘fam’.”

“Um. Yeah. Well… that’s different.”

“Different how?”

“Well... you’re _my_ fam.”

“ _Your_ fam?” Yaz narrows her eyes. “Do you have a problem with my family?”

“What!?” She squeaks. “No!”

“Because if you really didn’t wanna come for tea you could’ve just said -”

“ _No_. No, that’s not -”

“I thought you liked my mum anyway? She likes you -”

“I do! I like all of them. They’re wonderful - just like you.”  
Yaz folds her arms. “Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s just… it’s just complicated enough without getting to know your family too!” She blurts out, and spins away to move round the console, jabbing at a few buttons below the display despite it being switched off. Yaz follows her.

“Complicated? Doctor what on earth are you talking about?”  
“You know what!” She says through gritted teeth, eyes focused on the blank screen. “You _know what_ , Yaz.”

“No, I don’t,” she argues, and the Doctor wants to scream. “I really don’t know what about us is complicated, and I don’t know why -”

With a growl, the Doctor’s last shred of self control finally snaps and she whirls round, seizes Yaz by the shoulders and crashes her mouth down on her own.

Yaz makes a muffled noise of surprise, and then she wraps her arms around the Doctor’s waist and hauls her against her, kissing her back desperately.

When she finally manages to wrench her head back, she has Yaz pinned to the console, and they are both flushed and panting hard. She rests her forehead against Yaz’s, feeling her breath against her lips.

“ _This,_ Yaz,” she breathes, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Huh?” Yaz says, and when she pulls back to look at her and sees the dazed confusion on her face she can’t help the tiny bit of smugness she feels amidst the turmoil inside her.

She sighs. “ _This_ , is what’s complicated.”

Yaz steps back into her personal space, pressing her body against hers. “It doesn’t have to be,” she whispers, and the Doctor shakes her head, but goes easily when Yaz spins them round so she instead is pressed against the console, gasping when Yaz leans in to press her lips to her neck. She kisses the skin lightly, before she feels her open her mouth and let her teeth scrape gently over her and a gasp escapes her, hands shooting up to clutch at Yasmin’s jacket.

What was wrong with her? How could a little kiss on the neck take all the strength out of her legs and make red hot desire pool in her stomach so alarmingly fast? She can’t even think clearly, can’t even remember why she should be pushing Yaz away from her instead of pulling her closer like she’s doing.

“Wait, wait,” she manages, flushed and panting in her place pinned to her own console by the other woman’s body.

“Hmm?” Yaz hums against her neck instead of letting up on her attentions, lips moving down towards her collarbone, sucking the skin into her mouth.

“Wait... god, stop, I can’t think with you doing that,” she gasps.

Yaz pulls back enough to smirk at her. She lifts a hand from her waist to trail the backs of her fingers down over her neck where her mouth just was. “Women’s necks are more sensitive than men’s, you know,” she tells her softly, then leans up on her tiptoes to press another feather-light kiss there. 

The Doctor whimpers.

Yaz leans up further to move her mouth to her ear. “I could show you so many things, Doctor…” she breathes, the other hand trailing down over her body to grip her backside beneath her coat and haul her lower body closer to her leaving no doubt as to what she was referring to. “Just say yes…”

Yaz presses her lips to her neck again, and the Doctor opens her mouth, probably to say just that when the sudden sound of the Tardis doors opening make them leap apart, her hearts jumping into her mouth.

“Alright Doc, glad you’re still here,” Says Graham as he wanders in, Ryan trailing after him, oblivious to what they’d just interrupted as Yaz steps away from her and she whirls to face them, rubbing at her neck.

“Listen is it alright if we just stay here tonight? Still feels a bit weird at home, you know…”

“Yeah the house is too empty,” Ryan agrees, then his eyes land on Yaz. “What you doing here?”

“Nothing!” Yaz says, a bit too quickly. “Just… saying goodnight.”

“Oh.” Ryan replies. “You staying here too?”

“No,” the Doctor says quickly just as Yaz replies: “Yeah!”

They look at each other.

“I mean…” Yaz looks a bit awkward. “If that’s alright?”

She swallows, and clears her throat. “‘Course!” She says, falsely bright, whirling away from her to pull at some levers. “I’ll just park us in the vortex then, since you’re all here. She prefers that to being settled somewhere solid for too long.” She pilots them away from Sheffield, switching the engines on to standby once the Tardis is settled. “Time for bed then gang?” She claps her hands before attempting to shoo them all away towards the corridor. “Get some sleep, big day tomorrow, couldn’t decide between that planet where all the trees taste like candy floss or the multicolour ice caves of Misarra, so I thought we’d just do both!”

“Multicolour ice?” Graham queries.

She grins. “It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it.”

“I always do,” Yaz smiles, eyes lingering on hers.

“What’s happened to your neck?”

At Ryans words she claps a hand over it, eyes wide.

“Oh nothing, just... a small allergic reaction, probably something at dinner,” she babbles, hoping her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Are you gonna be -”

“All fine! Night gang!” She hurries quickly off to her bedroom before anything else can be said.

Safely inside her room with the door closed, she curses quietly as she inspects the mark Yaz had left on her neck in the mirror. Even as she chastises herself for letting her do it, her hearts hammer and core burns at the memory of her hot mouth on her skin, her body pressed to her own, her voice low and seductive in her ear…

The Doctor whirls away from the mirror, unable to look herself in the eyes as she yanks open her trousers and shoves her hand down them, dropping to her knees on the floor as she presses frantically against the soaking wet heat there, coming hard with a strangled cry in less than a minute.

The orgasm leaves her feeling empty and annoyed along with guilty and no less frustrated as she gets to her feet on shaky legs and moves into the bathroom to wash her hands. She knows she needs to deal with what had almost happened between her and Yaz - what she’s certain _would_ have happened had the boys not had impeccable timing. She tells herself she’s glad about that as she splashes cold water on her face and tries to ignore the mark on her neck in the bathroom mirror. She knows she needs to get things straight with Yaz _now_ , because if she leaves it until morning she’s more likely to try and pretend it just never happened, which is really no longer an option, and with that resolve in mind she nods at her reflection and marches out into the hallway, heading for Yaz’s room.

Standing outside of it she briefly panics that this could be a bad idea and almost backs out but gives herself a shake, and reminds herself firmly that she’s taken down entire armies with nothing but her words and a sonic screwdriver; she could deal with Yasmin Khan.

Steeling herself, she knocks on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel like this is awful but I've already completely rewritten it three times so I thought I had better get another opinion. Yeah, you've probably noticed I've changed it from 3 chapters to 4 because its STILL not finished here... god if this seems like it's just spiraling like it feels like it is just tell me please I'm so close to taking this one down and either starting again or forgetting about it. I think I'm struggling because I'm trying to progress with the story but I'm so worried about how Yaz is coming across... I would really appreciate your comments and honest opinions and any suggestions! I promise if I do continue it WILL just be the one more chapter !


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's - finally - the final chapter. If you saw that this got posted up yesterday then deleted I panicked and had to change stuff I'm a mess I'm sorry for the confusion. It's done now though, I promise!

“Yeah?” Yaz’s voice calls out through the door when the Doctor knocks.

“It’s me… can I come in?”

“Hang on -” is the reply before shuffling, a thud, and then the door swings open and Yaz tugs the Doctor inside by her wrist. She shuts it firmly behind her and pushes her none too gently up against it, promptly continuing where they’d left off.

“Wait!” She squeaks as Yasmin’s mouth finds her neck again. She pushes her back firmly. “This isn’t why I came!”

Yaz eyes her lips, hands moving to the door either side of her head, effectively trapping her there. “Isn’t it?” She smirks.

The Doctor inhales, her own eyes falling to Yaz’s mouth. She snaps them back up. “No.”

“Then why did you?”

Yaz presses a bit closer to her and hearts race in response. There was a reason, wasn’t there?

“Uhh… because…”

“Because…?” Yaz repeats, nuzzling where her jawline meets her neck.

Her lips part as she feels her hot breath on her skin, and her body relaxes back against the door as Yaz leans into her. Her weight feels so good against her, and the Doctor finds her hands drifting up to Yaz’s hips, pulling her tighter against her.

“Yaz,” she breathes, licking her lips and forcing herself to focus, “Yaz, this isn’t -”

“I wanted to tell you something, Doctor,” Yaz interrupts, moving her head back just enough to look into her eyes. She sees her swallow. “You… you probably already know since I’m pretty sure you heard mine and Sonya’s conversation in the kitchen but -”  
“Yaz -” She tries to stop her, hearts pounding.

“I want you to know that I love you,” she plunges bravely on, and the Doctor’s hearts leap into her throat then. “And that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way I just - I just wanted you to know.”

The Doctor stares back at her for a moment, her last words lost with the rushing in her ears. It was one thing to overhear it admitted in so many words but actually hearing her say it directly to her, those dark eyes so open and honest and _beautiful_ and how can she do anything else but grab Yaz by the sides of the face and haul her into a kiss?

She was in trouble, she vaguely realises as Yaz sucks on her tongue with a moan and presses her thigh between her legs, knowing she can pull away now no sooner than she can stop breathing.

She isn’t sure which one of them is walking them across the room, but soon Yaz’s legs hit the bed and they tumble onto it, the Doctor’s mouth swallowing her squeak of surprise as she pins the younger woman beneath her and kisses her so thoroughly and deeply with all the pent up sexual tension from weeks of resisting her. Yaz is moaning under her in seconds and the Doctor’s body is so flooded with heat and lust and the sensation of having Yaz against her like this she thinks she could come just kissing her.

Clearly wanting to regain some control over the situation, Yaz plants her hands on the Doctor’s chest and pushes her backwards, quickly grabbing her when their mouths part and rolling her beneath her. Yaz presses her hands to the bed beside her head and leans down for another kiss and _damnit_ that’s when that little voice inside her head reminding her why this is a bad idea decides to pipe up again.

“Yaz,” she whispers, before her lips can touch hers again. “We shouldn’t.”

“That’s not what it felt like you were saying a second ago,” she mumbles, leaning down so her body is pressed flush against hers, fingers lacing between her own. She squeezes her hands and the Doctor’s hearts flutter.

“I know,” she says, “I’m sorry I just -” Yaz swallows her next words, mouth open over her own as she kisses her deeply enough for the Doctor to forget what she’d been going to say.

Yaz strokes her tongue languidly against her own and she feels one hand slip out of hers, trailing over her arm to her shoulder and then down to brush against the side of her breast and pausing before she cups it in her hand and _squeezes_. The Doctor gives a noise of surprise into the kiss, body arching up into Yaz’s hand and Yaz pulls back to smirk down at her as she feels her thumb brush over her nipple through her shirt.

“I want you, Doctor” Yaz breathes, stroking at her chest. She moves her mouth to the Doctor’s ear, “I love you…”

Her eyelids flutter at the words and her free hand finds its way into Yaz’s hair.

“I can show you so many things,” she promises, words low and hot, “I can touch you like no one ever has…” her hand starts making its way steadily down the Doctor’s body and she feels her breath come quicker. Yaz tugs at her shirt, untucking it to get her hand on her bare skin. She rakes her nails over her stomach gently and then that hand is moving downwards again. “I could make your whole body burn…”

The Doctor gasps loudly, hips jumping towards her as she feels Yaz’s fingers press between her legs through her trousers.

She isn’t usually one to be quiet, but as she lays beneath Yaz with all these new sensations running through her and the beautiful young human woman murmuring softly to her as she touches her, words utterly fail her.

“Have you tried it by yourself yet?” Yaz utters lowly, her fingers rubbing between the Doctor’s legs leaving no mistake as to what she’s referring to. The Doctor’s face burns as she’s reminded vividly of doing just that not ten minutes before coming here, and she still can’t find any words.

Yaz mouths at the top of her chest. “Did you think of me?” As her kisses move lower her eyes drift up to meet the Doctor’s. “Did you think of me when you came? Because I’ve thought of you… many, many times…”

The Doctor squeezes her eyes shut as her stomach flips, hearts racing at that image.

She needs to stop this. She knows that, she needs to stop Yaz before this goes any further than it already has and she’s fallen for the girl as completely as Yaz apparently has for her.

“Yaz…”

“Hmm?”

"Yaz, wait.”

She hears her groan, and opens her eyes to see her moving back up so her face is hovering over her own again. Her fingers are still pressed between her legs but she’s ceased their movements.

“Doctor, I’m tired of waiting,” Yaz says, “I want you, and you want me -”

“But that doesn’t -”

“So just let go,” Yaz coaxes, nudging her nose into that spot between her jaw and her neck she seems to have very quickly realised turns the Doctor’s insides to jelly. She kisses at the Doctor’s skin as she slowly starts to stroke her clit through her trousers.

“Let me show you how incredible being a woman can be…”

Oh, she wants to let go, she does. More than anything she wants to let this happen, but she knows if she does that she’s likely to be lost to this woman forever… and forever can never be a word associated with humans, there would only inevitably be losing her, and the Doctor’s already suffered enough heartbreaks for a dozen lifetimes.

“Please Yaz,” she whispers, throat and hearts aching, “I can’t…”

Freezing at the sight of teas slipping from her eyes, Yaz suddenly scrambles away from her.

“Oh god,” she’s saying, “Oh god I never meant to - to push you or scare you - I’m so sorry - I thought you wanted this that’s why - otherwise I _never_ would have -  god Doctor I’m so sorry!” She almost falls from the bed, eyes downcast. “I - I’ll go.”

“No, wait! Yaz…” she shakes her head, staring at her as she makes to bolt from what’s technically her own room. “That’s not…” she swallows, taking a deep breath. “That’s not what I mean. I _do_ … want this.”

Yaz pauses, swallows as she stares back at her. “You - you do?”

The Doctor nods. “I want _you_ so much - so much it hurts and I can’t resist it anymore…”  
Almost moaning at her words, Yaz clambers back onto the bed, leaning down over her, arms trapping the Doctor beneath her. “Then don’t…”

“But I can’t,” she shakes her head, staring with pleading eyes up into Yaz’s own.

“Why?” Yaz breathes, eyeing her mouth hungrily.

“Because -” She pushes at Yaz - she can’t _think_ with her this close  - and Yaz reluctantly sits up, letting the Doctor sit too and get some space between them. “Because I _don’t_ get involved with the people I travel with. My life is too dangerous, and messy and -”

“I don’t care!” Says Yaz, “I love the danger.”

“Exactly!” She throws her hands up. “And the closer you are to me, the more you’re in… I can’t let that happen. Not to you.”

Yaz sits back on her heels and frowns at her. It is a moment before she speaks. “Don’t I get a say in it?”

“I -” She cuts off, the words halting her.

“Doctor,” Yaz shuffle closer to her on her knees. “I want you… I want to be with you and I don’t care what that means.”

Yaz reaches for her hand but she quickly pulls it back.

“Ask me what happened to the others who have travelled with me,” she says quietly.

She sees Yaz swallow but she frowns, shaking her head stubbornly. “I don’t care.”

“None of them,” she presses on, trying to make her understand, “not one of them, Yaz, went back to their lives as they were before.” She looks down, “The ones that survived that is,” she whispers.

There is a pause.

“Doctor,” Yaz says, very firmly, “Do you honestly think that after travelling with you, after living this life that I would _want_ to go back to what I had before?”

She looks up at her, brow furrowed.

“Whatever that means,” Yaz says decisively. “ _Whatever_ it means, I’m with you now, always, and anything will be worth it.”

Those words are heavy enough to set the Doctor’s hearts racing. Yaz still didn’t _understand._ She thought she was only trying to protect her - which she was as well - but she was also trying to protect her own hearts. Yaz certainly knew her own mind anyway, and the Doctor had always found that an enticing quality in a woman. When Yaz opens her mouth to presumably argue her point further, the Doctor isn’t sure how much more she can listen to, and leans forward to kiss her again instead.

When they fall back to the bed this time, she doesn’t stop Yaz’s hands as they roam and tug at clothes.

 _Plan b,_ she thinks vaguely as Yaz sucks on her tongue with a moan and presses her thigh between her legs, knowing she can pull away now no sooner than she can stop breathing. Just once. Just this once she’d let herself have this - let them both have this and then she would know what it was like, they could get each other out of their systems and she might be able to _think_ clearly around her again.

“This - this has to be a one time thing Yaz,” she utters as Yaz moves her mouth to trail kisses down her neck, dragging her braces from her shoulders and shoving up her shirt.

“Mmhmm,” Yaz replies absently, not sounding bothered at all.

“I’m serious.”

She ignores her, yanking at her shirts until the Doctor arches up and lifts her arms to let her tug them over her head.

“Yaz -”

“I think we’ve both done enough talking for one night, wouldn’t you say Doctor?” Yaz says, kneeling up to shuck her own shirt and unclip her bra, letting it flutter forgotten to the floor.

The Doctor sucks in a sharp breath as she stares at her, half naked and eyes dark with desire, before she is the one plunging forward, rolling Yaz down onto her back and yanking at the remainder of her clothes with frantic, shaking hands.

Yaz is so, so wet beneath her fingers when she finally slides them between her legs, both with most of their clothes discarded bar Yaz’s socks and the Doctor’s underwear. Yaz makes short work of her bra, yanking with urgent hands as the Doctor touches her until their bare chests can press together. She is beautifully vocal, crying out softly when the Doctor’s fingers slip over her clit, begging for more when she circles her entrance and gasping her name when she presses two fingers inside her wet heat.

“Wait, wait,” Yaz finally gasps, grabbing at her wrist. “ _Wait_ \- god this isn’t - I want to touch you first, I thought - you can’t just -”

The Doctor can’t help but grin as she looks down into Yasmin’s flustered face, all her resolve from earlier now utterly forgotten (or shoved somewhere in her head she was currently ignoring), buried beneath lust and need and _Yaz._

“Did you think I wouldn’t know what I was doing?” She teases as she curls her fingers inside Yaz, caressing her inner walls and revelling in _finally_ being the one to have Yaz in a fluster instead of the other way around. “Because I may not have been a woman before… but I’ve definitely been _with_ a woman before.”

“I know, I just -” Yaz’s breath stutters as the Doctor pushes deeper, adding another finger and letting her palm brush her clit. “Shit, _shit_ ,” she curses quietly as she increases the speed of her movements. “Oh god, Doctor, _Doctor_ …” She can feel Yaz tightening around her fingers and leans down to press her mouth to the dark flesh of her neck, sucking on her skin like Yaz had done to her earlier that night and feeling herself grow so wet as the pitch of Yaz’s cries increase she’s certain the younger woman must be able to feel it coating her thigh.

Yaz’s hand finds its way between the Doctor’s legs as she comes, shoving her underwear aside, two fingers pushing straight inside her, making her cry out sharply in surprise.

“Sorry!” Yaz pants as she comes down from her high, chest heaving rapidly as she gasps for air, easing her fingers back out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just-”

“It’s fine,” she says, quickly kissing her. “Just touch me, please,” she begs quietly against her lips.

“Oh, Doctor,” Yaz gives a breathless laugh, “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear those words.”

Yaz strokes her gently and slowly over the material of her knickers as she pulls her mouth down for another kiss, circling her fingers maddeningly around her clit instead of over it, again and again until the Doctor is whimpering into her mouth and her body is trembling with desire. She is like putty beneath her hands when Yaz finally pulls back to roll her onto her back, hooking her fingers into the top of her underwear and dragging it slowly down her legs without her eyes leaving the Doctor’s own. When she moves back over her, easing her thighs apart and settling on top of her between them, her fingers dip between her legs again, sliding over bare, slippery flesh this time and finally finding her clit and pressing against it as she looks down into her eyes.

“I’m gonna make you come so hard you forget your own name.”

Well. That was a promise. Her stomach is doing flips as Yaz kisses her way down her body before settling on her elbows between her spread legs and _oh_ , what a sight she makes down there. Eyes dark and hungry, lips kiss swollen and hair tousled as she uses her thumbs to spread her apart, pausing just to _wink_ at her before ducking her head and licking one slow lap up between her folds. When her mouth reaches her clit and latches on, the Doctor’s vision almost goes white and as soon as she starts to flick her tongue over it then presses two fingers slowly back inside her, she lasts about another three seconds before she’s climaxing with a shout that she’s embarrassed to realise is more like a scream as her whole body ignites with pleasure.   

When the edges of her vision start to return and she comes down from her high she realises she has her fists clenched in Yaz’s hair and one leg hooked over her shoulder and she lets go, dropping her leg back down to the bed and blinking up at Yaz as she crawls smugly back up over her body.

“So,” says Yaz, as breathless as she as she settles on top of her, bare torso pressed to her own and hips cradled between the Doctor’s legs. “How was your first multiple orgasm?”

She blinks dazedly at her. “Is that what that was? I thought I was having a stroke.”

Yaz laughs out loud. “I don’t think even I’m _that_ good. Pretty sure you came three times,” she tells her, looking extremely (rightfully) proud of herself. “I would have kept going but I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Probably a good call,” she pants out, hearts still racing and chest heaving.

“Next time,” Yaz grins, leaning down to kiss her.

Yasmin’s words bring the reality of everything crashing back, and she must feel how she doesn’t respond to her kiss because she pulls quickly back.

“Doctor?”

She shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut and turning her face away. “We can’t Yaz,” she reiterates quietly. “There can’t be a next time.”

Instead of being upset or even angry like the Doctor had expected she might, she snaps her eyes back open when Yaz _laughs_.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” she grins, and sits up easily when the Doctor pushes at her. She shakes her head to clear it, hunting around frantically for her clothes in the mess strewn about the bed and floor. “Leaving then are you?” Yaz doesn’t sound too upset, thankfully, but the Doctor still avoids her eyes as she nods, dragging her shirt on backwards and not bothering to fix it as she grabs her trousers.

“I’m sorry Yaz,” she says regretfully as she clambers out of the bed and picks up her coat. “This can’t happen again.”

“Can’t it?” At the playful tone she glances back at Yaz to see her wiggling her eyebrows at her.

She splutters. “No!”

“Hmm,” Yaz flops down onto her back with a serene smile on her lips that makes the Doctor gulp nervously. “We’ll see.”

\--

The Doctor had every reason to be nervous, she realises, when she finds Yaz alone in the Tardis kitchen the next morning and very quickly finds herself backed against the fridge with Yasmin’s lips on her neck.

“Yaz!” She squeaks. “I said we couldn’t -”

“Couldn’t what, Doctor?” Yaz purrs, one hand snaking between her thighs and pressing up against the seam of her trousers.

“Couldn’t - do - this,” she stammers out, hips tilting subconsciously into the touch.

“And yet you’re not pushing me away,” Yaz grins at her, pausing and giving her a clear opportunity to do so.

She moves her hand to the one of Yasmin’s between her thighs, she’s certain with the intention of pulling it away but instead ends up pressing her fingers harder against her, breath stuttering at the pressure.

Yaz’s kiss is triumphant, and she is just moaning into her mouth, beginning to get lost to the sensations when they both freeze at the sound of chatter coming from the corridor, and Yaz quickly steps back from her before Graham and Ryan appear.

“Morning guys,” Ryan yawns. “Where to today then?”

“Anywhere,” the Doctor replies, quickly putting some distance between her and Yaz and tugging at her rumpled clothes with shaking hands. “Everywhere! Lucky dip?”

“Sounds good,” Ryan shrugs and she quickly makes for the console room, leaving them to get breakfast.

She’d lied about the lucky dip, and programmes in co-ordinates for the foot of a mountain on Jupiter Nine. Nice trek up a steep gradient on a planet where the days lasted three hours and there were butterflies the size of small dogs with a habit of dive-bombing walkers, that would keep them all busy. And distracted, hopefully.

She launches them into flight with an excited grin when her companions appear, landing them with only a minor jolt and feeling pretty proud about that as she taps a final button. She eyes Yaz warily as she walks over to her once they’ve stilled, but all she does is slide a plate of toast to her on the console.

“You forgot to eat,” she says with a small cheeky smile.

“I’m fine,” the Doctor quickly replies. Her stomach growls. She picks up the toast, avoiding Yaz’s smirking face as she bites a piece while she hurries over to the doors. “Shall we then gang!?”

\--

Halfway up, the Doctor realises she’d managed to land them in the depths of the planet’s rainy season, and when a torrential downpour hits they’re forced to take shelter in a little cave on the mountainside. Despite being so high up, the planet’s atmosphere is humid and they are all sweaty, exhausted and annoyed at her by the time they make it into the dry.

“I said sorry! Next time I promise I’ll check the weather before I set out. I’ll take you all for pizza on that planet with the giant garlic bread portions when we get back?” She coaxes and they grumble their agreement. “Excellent,” she grins, clapping her hands together. “Quick rest here while this shower passes over then we’ll head back down.”

“Dunno if I’m gonna make it Doc,” Graham gasps. “It’s about eighty degrees out there and I’m parched.”

“Not to worry I’m sure there’s water you can drink in these caves somewhere, I’ll go see if I can find us some shall I?”

A few caverns in, there’s a little mini waterfall trickling down where there’s an opening in the top of the cave, and Yaz finds her just as she finds it.

“Wow,” the young woman utters, eyes wide with wonder as she stares at where the water streams over rainbow rocks. The Doctor grins at her as she launches into an explanation of why the rocks have that colouring; oh how she’ll never get tired of that look on her companion’s faces.

“Look, come touch it!” She bids Yaz, sticking her own hand under the running water. “See how warm it is?”

Yaz moves over to put her hand in the water, grinning in delight. “It’s hot! You could have a shower under there.”

“Yeah!” She nods enthusiastically. “In fact, the rainwater on this planet is _really_ good for your skin - there’s over sixty different minerals in it. There’s hot springs down on the planet’s surface that people come from all over the galaxy to bathe in. I’ll take you there another time!”

“Promise?” Yaz says, and when the Doctor’s eyes meet hers her breath catches at the sparkling flirtation there.

“Um. I mean, maybe, have to see if Ryan and Graham want - uh - Yaz! What are you doing?”

Yaz has peeled off her tshrit, soaked through from the rain, over her head and let it drop to the rocky floor with a smack.

“You said it’s good to shower in, right?” She grins, shimmying her shorts down her legs and kicking them off. “I _definitely_ could use a wash right now.” She unclips her bra and lets it drop before peeling her knickers down her legs and stepping carefully backwards into the little pool, eyes on the Doctor’s as she moves under the waterfall. The Doctor can only stare, mouth open.

“Oh, it’s _so good,”_ Yaz hums, tilting her head back under the spray, eyes closing. Her gaze dances back to the Doctor. “Want to join me?”

She swallows hard, trying to tear her eyes away from that perfect body.

“That’s probably not a good idea,” she manages quietly

“Suit yourself,” Yaz shrugs, turning her back to her and arching her body as she runs hands through her wet hair.

_Bloody hell._

The Doctor’s wet clothes hit the floor quickly as she yanks them off, almost tripping with her trousers caught round her boots, kicking them off frantically before shedding her underwear and stumbling into the pool with Yaz. Yasmin’s eyes are triumphant as she turns and presses the Doctor back against the cool rocks, the spray of the waterfall washing over them both as the Doctor opens her mouth to accept a hungry kiss.

“God, you look so hot like this,” Yaz utters as they break apart and the Doctor’s lust clouded eyes drop to her lips.

“So do you, but I’m pretty certain you already know that.”

Yaz grins at her then shifts, pressing closer to push a wet thigh between the Doctor’s legs and press it up against her.

She gasps, hands flying to Yaz’s hips, gripping there tightly as they start to rock in a steady motion against each other. Her mouth falls to Yaz’s shoulder in a groan and she feels hands skating over her body, pressing and touching and caressing, and then both her hands grip her backside and Yaz lifts her, settling her more firmly on her thigh so she’s up on her tiptoes, balanced precariously against the rock against her back and Yaz’s leg. She holds her there, leaning in to kiss her and swallowing her moans as she lightly pinches a hardened nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

The Doctor finds herself rocking her hips against the pressure between her legs, which is what she assumes Yaz had wanted when she moans appreciatively into her mouth and presses in closer to her.

Yaz’s naked body is warm against her own, and she bites her lip when the younger woman pulls back to look into her eyes, one hand hand dropping to the Doctor’s hips to encourage her to move the other gently squeezing at her breast.

“Yaz,” she utters, attempting to tell her they need to stop.

“Hm?”

Her eyelids flutter as she rakes her nails over her nipple. “We… we need to be quick, Ryan and Graham -”

“Okay,” Yaz gives her a loaded smirk before she drops to her knees in front of her.

Well, that works.

\--

It continues much the same way for the next two weeks.

Well, minus the waterfall part, and the part afterwards where they’d heard Ryan’s voice calling out asking where they’d got to and had to stumble out from under the spray and wiggle into wet clothes in thirty seconds flat before he wandered into the cave.

Yaz keeps pressing her against walls and kissing her neck and wriggling hands under her clothes and the Doctor keeps _letting her_. She gives as good as she gets too, to be fair, and by the fifth day she’s pretty proud about how many orgasms she can give the younger woman in succession, despite the fact that she knows she should be doing no such thing.

She makes herself scarce quickly each night before Yaz can entice her back into her room. There’s sleeping together and then there’s actually _sleeping_ together and the Doctor knows the temptation to curl up under warm covers pressed against her after making love would be too much to resist, and doing so would only drag her into this situation even deeper - so to speak.

\--

She overshoots a bit when she takes them home to Sheffield - only by two and a half days but it is enough to have Yaz’s mum in near hysterics when she walks her to her door, her dad appearing from the flat to join in with yelling loudly at Yaz about being irresponsible and putting them both through hell worrying about her and by the time her mum orders her inside Yaz is crying and the door is slammed in the Doctor’s face.

Yaz doesn’t answer her phone or her text messages - she’s not certain if the Tardis is sending them through properly, and so the Doctor waits and waits until all the lights go off in her little flat then quietly lets herself in with her sonic, tiptoeing to Yaz’s room and slipping inside.

“Doctor!?” She hisses as she closes the door softly behind her. “What are you -”

“Shh!” She hurries over to where Yaz is curled up in bed. “I wanted to check if you were alright,” she whispers, sitting down beside her. “You haven’t answered your phone.”

“My mum took it,” Yaz replies, shifting to sit up, pulling her knees up to her chest. She looks sleepy but her eyes are rimmed red like she’d been crying again recently and the Doctor’s hearts ache. “Seriously - it’s like she thinks I’m still a kid. She didn’t want me talking to you,” she sighs and the Doctor chews her lip guiltily.

“She just cares about you.”

Yaz eyes her a little warily, and she tilts her head at the strange expression. “I thought you’d have left? Have you gone off and come back? Because you could have just come in the morning.”

“Oh, no I haven’t left. I was just waiting outside.”

Yaz’s eyebrows shoot up. “You… sat outside my flat all night?”

“Yeah,” she says, surprised. “I was worried about you. Didn’t think I’d be welcome if your mum saw me again right now. I’m gonna have to do some serious grovelling aren’t I? Does she like flowers?” Her face lights up. “Ooh - I could cook for you all!”

“No,” Yaz says, very firmly and her face falls.

“Why not?”

“Doctor, last time you tried to cook for me, Ryan and Graham you set the entire oven on fire.”

“That was deliberate. It was a flame grilled steak.”

Yaz rolls her eyes, looking amused.

“Anyway,” the Doctor says quietly, and clears her throat, tugging at the neck of her shirt uncomfortably. “I’m - uh - I’m sorry. For the bad driving.”

Yaz’s face softens and she places a hand over her own. “It’s ok. It just a mistake.”

“A bad one though,” she says, “What if it had been two weeks? Or months, or… or years?” She looks down at their hands and chews her lip. “It’s happened before,” she admits quietly.

There’s a long pause before Yaz replies. “But it didn’t.” She squeezes her hand. “It was only two days, Doctor, my mum and dad will get over it.”

“Alright,” she says quietly, but still feels guilty.

“Thanks though, for coming to check on me.”

“Yeah, well. Course I would - I care about you.” She gives Yaz a tentative smile before pulling her hands away and getting quickly to her feet. “I’ll see you soon yeah? Still alright to pick you up sunday?”

“Wait!” She says quickly. “Will… will you stay?”

She blinks. “Here?”

Yaz nods. “Please.”

She hesitates. “I don’t… what if your mum finds me?” She hisses.

“She won’t. It’s saturday tomorrow she always sleeps late.”

She bites her lip. She really shouldn’t, she knows that. And not just because of the possibility of a very cross Yaz’s mum. Yaz looks back at her from the bed with wide, dark eyes, bottom lip caught between her teeth and makeup smudged from crying.

The Doctor’s shoulders slouch and she toes off her boots and lets her coat drop to the floor, nudging her over and climbing into bed behind her.

“Only because you’re sad,” she sighs in resignation.

“I’m not sad anymore,” Yaz whispers happily, wriggling back against her and wrapping the Doctor’s arm around her.

Najia is absolutely furious when she pokes her head in to wake Yaz up in the morning and finds the Doctor curled up in bed around her daughter. She is slightly placated only by discovering when she leaps to her feet that they are both fully clothed, but the Doctor still has to sit on their nice sofa and be lectured for forty-five minutes about taking her daughter away for nearly three days with no contact. Luckily, she’s always been very good at talking her way out of things in every regeneration, and manages to smooth things over with promises never to do it again. She tells Yaz she’ll pick her up tomorrow as she leaves and sees Najia throw her hands in the air and walk off, shaking her head. She hopes that’s a good thing.  

Yaz is a bit clingier in the days that follow, her advances affectionate more often than sexual, wrapping her arms around her at every opportunity or slipping her hand into her own as they stroll through intergalactic market towns or forests lined with silver trees. She’s sure Graham and Ryan must have noticed, but they don’t say anything if the have. Maybe it was unremarkable anyway - girls held hands sometimes didn’t they? And she was girl now, so it was fine.

It is one such occasion as this, when Yaz has slid her hand into her own, lacing her fingers through hers in a way that reminds her of their first night together when things finally change.

They are lying side by side on a grassy hill, hands linked as they gaze up at the stars, the Doctor pointing out constellations to her three friends - much like they had been the night this had all started - when Yaz shuffles closer to her on the cool grass, turning her head and leaning over to press a soft kiss to her cheek, halting her mid-sentence.

“...it’s called?” Ryan prompts when she doesn’t continue.

“Oh - umm… that one’s Orion.”

“I thought that one over there was Orion?” Graham points as the Doctor turns her head to stare at Yaz.

“Nah,” says Ryan, the two of them oblivious to the exchange going on near them, “That was that one with the funny name, what was it?”

“Cassiopeia,” Yaz whispers, and the Doctor’s lips part as she gazes back at her. Yaz shuffles closer still, and leans in to whisper even quieter so only she can hear; “I love you.”

The Doctor’s hearts leap, and then her chest clenches uncomfortably and she sits up, clearing her throat and pulling her hand from Yasmin’s.

“Um, Graham, Ryan? Would you mind… giving us a minute? If you head down that hill there’s a little path that will take you into a town where there’s a cafe with the _best_ hot chocolates. We’ll meet you there in a bit?”

Ryan opens his mouth like he’s going to question or protest but Graham elbows him and shakes his head, getting to his feet.

“Sure thing Doc. See you down there.” He tugs Ryan away with him.

As soon as they’re out of sight Yaz presses her back into the grass.

“You know, if you wanted to get me alone that badly all you needed to do was say so.”

“No, that’s not -” She shakes her head, pushing at her so she can sit up. She sighs, tugging a hand through her short blonde hair. “Yaz. We can’t keep doing this. It’s… it’s not _fair_.”

“Doctor,” Yaz replies softly, and she warily meets her eyes. “It’s okay, you know… that you don’t feel the same way. Really, I never expected you to.” She looks sad but she shrugs. “I’m okay with that.”

The Doctor frowns at her utterly confused. “Huh?”

It is her turn to sigh, looking down from the Doctor’s eyes to pick at the grass. “I never expected you to love me back, Doctor.”

“What?” She blurts out. “Of course I love you!”

Yaz’s eyes snap to hers, wide before she shakes her head. “I know you love us all as your friends - or fam or whatever you wanna call it. But that’s not what I mean.”

“...Oh,” she says, a bit more confused. Honestly, she’d never been great at this whole human feeling thing and she’s feeling a bit out of her depth suddenly. It only occurs to her to ask after several tense silence seconds have passed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” another sigh and her cheeks flush a bit, visible even in the moonlight. “I mean how I’m totally in love with you, and you… well it’s okay that you’re not. With me. If it makes you uncomfortable when I tell you then that’s fine I won’t anymore.”  
The Doctor stares at her for another few seconds before her words make sense. _Oh_. She thinks...

“You think I’m not in love with you?”

Yaz’s wide eyes find her own again and she appears to freeze a bit.

“You… you - are?”

The Doctor blinks at her. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Yaz stares at her for a moment.

“It - no!” She finally squeaks. “I thought - but you - I don’t -” she appears to take a deep breath which the Doctor realises shakes a bit. “Doctor. If you love me too then why on earth wouldn’t it be _fair_ to me to keep doing this? And don’t give me that crap about being close to you being dangerous because you’ve already let me pretty damn close and you know how I feel about that anyway.”

_Oh._

“Um…” Well, it feels kind of awkward to have to actually spell it out.

Yaz raises her eyebrows expectantly when she doesn’t continue and she looks away, down at the grass.

“I meant more that… it wasn’t fair to me,” she admits quietly. And now the words are _finally_ out there, actually said out loud she feels sort of embarassed to have admitted it, and also a little… well, selfish.

“Oh.” Yaz says, looking a bit stunned. She licks her lips nervously. “You mean because… because you think…”  
“Because someday Yaz, no matter how you look at it, no matter what happens or how, I’m going to lose you.”

“So…” She looks like shes struggling to comprehend. “You’d rather forgo anything good happening because of how much it eventually ending will hurt?”

The Doctor swallows. “In a nutshell, yes.” She frowns down at her hands. “I don’t like endings.”

“But what about beginnings!? And middles! Doctor - you can’t live your life without doing what makes you happy just because you won’t like it when it ends!” She sounds a bit cross, and the Doctor supposes she has every right. Her words also hold a lot of truth that makes both of her hearts speed up and makes guilt settle in her stomach as she realises how selfish she truly has been. Yaz is right, and what’s more, she deserves to be happy too and by holding off on her own happiness she’s only keeping that from Yaz too.

“You’re right,” she finally says softly, and Yaz’s face breaks into a slow smile.

“Doing me is what makes you happy?” She grins cheekily and the Doctor huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Yasmin Khan,” she sighs, resigned as Yaz inches closer to her, placing her hands either side of the Doctor and moving over her. She goes willingly this time, letting Yaz lay her back on the grass with a soft smile. “I never stood a chance of resisting you, did I?”

Braced over her with her hands either side of the Doctor’s head and the moonlight shining off her black hair, Yaz grins down at her.

“Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if this ending is ok or not... this one's been difficult and I've been a total mess writing it and I just want to thank you all for your wonderful support, I actually couldn't have done it without your amazing insightful comments. I'm not sure why but I've lost a lot of confidence in my work lately and then you guys are soo nice to me and then I stress out more that the next bit won't be good enough and I'll disappoint you all. I think I'm gonna take a break from writing for a bit now and see if that helps. I have so many stories I want to share with you, they're just in my head at the moment instead of down on paper lol but hopefully I'll be able to sort it all out soon. 
> 
> Anyway I really hope this is fitting ending for what turned into a bit of a mammoth fic, it was honestly never meant to get this long haha, but thank you for sticking with me!


End file.
